Latest Funny And Awesome TAglines / Quotes : Hacking TricksLatest
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The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Dick Cavett
Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, swindlings, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Tommy Cooper
"Security puts a premium on feebleness."
H.G. Wells
"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."
Eddie Izzard
"I have nothing to declare except my genuis."
Oscar Wilde
"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
Spike Milligan
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis
" At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Partick Moore
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
A. Whitney Brown
"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
W.C.Fields
"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
Rudyard Kipling
"If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry
"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
Sal Davino
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
Richard Jeni
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson
"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
George Bush
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde
"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong."
Geoff Arbuthnot
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff." "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
Woody Allen
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
Henry Youngman
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Emo Philips
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright
"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."
Freddie Starr
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson a.k.a. Mr. Bean
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love ."
Woody Allen
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
Groucho Marx
Albert Einstein
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Dick Cavett
Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, swindlings, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Tommy Cooper
"Security puts a premium on feebleness."
H.G. Wells
"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."
Eddie Izzard
"I have nothing to declare except my genuis."
Oscar Wilde
"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
Spike Milligan
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis
" At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Partick Moore
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
A. Whitney Brown
"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
W.C.Fields
"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
Rudyard Kipling
"If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry
"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
Sal Davino
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
Richard Jeni
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson
"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
George Bush
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde
"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong."
Geoff Arbuthnot
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff." "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
Woody Allen
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
Henry Youngman
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Emo Philips
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright
"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."
Freddie Starr
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson a.k.a. Mr. Bean
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love ."
Woody Allen
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
Groucho Marx
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